Do you have foresight? Given your current situation, are you able to predict where your life would be in ten years? It is eerie how the vision of the future unfolds clearly before my eyes. It makes me believe even more that life is not random. It moves in a neat, straight path, unbending and sometimes unforgiving. I am tempted to throw physics in the equation again. Please don’t roll your eyes, I know I talk about that a lot. It just that the universe is so exact in all the laws that govern it. It can be very stifling.
There are times my mind would open up. I can calculate human nature, plus a given situation equals the inevitable result. Older wiser people will say, oh, that is just what we call experience. Human actions and their consequences always fall into some kind of pattern that makes it easy to predict the outcome. I guess so. Still, I find that fascinating and terrifying at the same time. Rebels of the rigid rules of life always end up defeated in the end. There is no way to cheat the system.
If you insist on being stubborn, life has a way of teaching you a hard lesson that you will never forget with a lifetime of consequences. Like what happened to the marriages of two of my closest male friends. ( We are also related to each other.) JD and MD are both very good looking, athletic, very tall (5’11 and 6ft), intelligent and warm-hearted young men. A perfect catch for any woman who is looking for an ideal mate. But whose hardheadedness led their married lives in the crapper.
How they fail to see it, I do not know. When I attended MD’s wedding, I saw a dark cloud literary hovering over the reception. A feeling of dread came over me as my gaze wandered around the faces of the people celebrating the union. I never believe about visions, but I became so certain at that moment that his life with his new bride will not end very well. I hoped for the best and thought myself silly when two years passed, and we saw their marriage doing good with just an occasional lovers quarrel all newly weds have anyway.
But here is the scenario: We believed that Mrs MD never loved MD. I mean that she has never fallen in love with him during their dating period. Marrying him was a calculated move.
MD suffered from a white knight syndrome and Mrs. MD was a damsel in distress. She was an adopted child suffocating under the rigid upbringing of her overbearing mother. Before they met MD was planning to work in the US. He was waiting for an offer from a big IT company. Meanwhile Mrs.MD’s mother wanted Mrs. MD to marry a rich businessman of her choice. When they met, MD made no secret of his plans of going to America. When he proposed, Mrs.MD suddenly found a way to escape the clutches of her mother. But of course MD didn’t see it that way. They were in love and he needed to rescue her from the loveless marriage her mother was forcing her to commit to.
Mrs MD bided her time until they went to the US. She was the dutiful and compliant wife for two years until the offer which MD was waiting for came. Family and friends warned MD even before he proposed about what they think of Mrs MD, but when one is in love, one does not listen to logic. They feel misunderstood. It is them against the world. Even though it was so apparent to everyone, who saw them together. So nobody was surprised by what happened to their marriage just a few months after they reached the US. Mrs MD left him for another man.
Whatever the reasons were: the pressure of being in a new place, a demanding job, a reduced time of togetherness, one reason was clear: Mrs MD’s love for him was not strong enough to withstand the trails and challenges that all married couples face. Or that love was never there, to begin with. Which was plain enough for everyone to see other than MD.
Now MD is too jaded. His outlook in life too bleak. He told me that the sole purpose of his life now is to provide his daughter with a good future. He has no plans for himself. He does not want to marry ever again. Telling him to do otherwise is pointless. It hurts me to see his eyes so joyless. The bright promise of a happy future extinguished from them. His life had so much potential but one fatal mistake took it all away.
Then there is JD. When I met him recently, despite the devil may care attitude that he happily parades these days, his loneliness was palpable. One can sense he craves the happy family life that seems to elude him.
He likes women who are modern and edgy. He met one in a bar. She grew up from a more advance country and has a very liberal attitude in life compared to the usual women he meets. She was lovely and I liked her despite her shameless display of vanity. After a few months of seeing them together, I believed they were really in love.
Only one thing bothered me. From the stories JD told me of her, I got the impression that she was very materialistic. She was always bragging about her recent purchases of very expensive designer clothes and gadgets. JD said that her family was wealthy and was used to that kind of lifestyle.
After a year of dating, when he told me he proposed to her I got the same feeling of doom, I felt in MD’s wedding. But I dismissed it. Nobody listens anyway. I did remind him that although he was earning very well, he was not a millionaire. He was very sure she will adjust her lifestyle for him because they were deeply in love. But that nagging feeling did not leave me. I saw right then how his life with this woman would end up. The more time I spent with them, the clearer I saw the end of the line where his choices were leading him. His marriage ended up in a divorce and him buried in debt.
I’ve made plenty of mistakes myself even when I could see very clearly what the consequences of my actions would bring. Still, I ignored it many times, crossing my finger, hoping the universe would bend its rules especially for me. But it never did. Not even once.