Only in the middle of the night when finally all is calm and quiet, my husband snoring softly by my side, my dog in deep slumber by my feet, can I start to weave the tale I am itching to tell. Figuring out the best way to narrate the story my thoughts darted to and pro in different directions. While I am processing it I felt this time I needed to record it.
I flung back the quilt that was covering me and tiptoed barefooted towards the dining room to grab my IPad from the table. I tried to be as quiet as possible upon returning to bed, careful not to disturb my boys in their blissful sleep.
The glare of the screen blinded me when I pushed the button to open the tablet. It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to brightness of the white blank page I opened in Pages application.
After much hesitation, I decided this is it. I am just going to tell it how it was. Or Is.
I often ask my self why do I need to write this. Why do I need to tell this story. Will anyone be interested in what I have to say? Is there a lesson at the end? Is it a confession. An easing of guilt? A justification? I am not sure. But Iam compelled to write it.
My thoughts wandered to the image of my kids, sleeping safely and contended in each of their rooms. Sleeping soundly as innocents do. Loved and cared for by both parents, not a thing to worry about. Then I thought of another child, from far away, a casualty, a victim of the careless and selfishness of the young confused days. She must be 22 by now but when I met her she was just as young as my daughter. When I looked back in the past my memories of her was the thorn that pricks me every time my mind takes me to that period of my life. She was never gone from my mind completely and how it jolted me when I read the headline earlier in the day while I was checking the news from my country.
Starlet Overdosed on Cocaine Dead
Her name was Liam.
“Justine darling, come here. ” my husband was awaken by my stifled sobs. The dog stirred a little, let out a deep sigh and went back to sleep.
” Baby, I know you are very upset. Try to sleep now and write about it tomorrow.” He said kissing my forehead, I closed the IPad and tucked it under my pillow. I pushed the dog a little and snuggled close to my husband.
Tomorrow then, I will write about Liam.