Heart Away From Home

 

In the silence of the night next to the even rhythm of my husband’s breathing I lay awake with a pain clamped heavily around my heart. Eyes closed but mind alert riddled with thoughts darting to and pro in different directions. From the mundane to a constant anxiety I was unaware how it led to the image of my aging parents. Just the two of them, living away from all their children.

How could it happen when childhood attachments a precious cord too painful to sever bound the family so tightly? How could sons and daughters fled so far away from them? Could it be that too much love and closeness hinder independence? A suffocation from parental influence?

Flight for freedom away from the homely bubble sent us traipsing around the globe. Never did they complain nor prevented us from doing what we wanted. Which is worse because an argument would have ease the unspoken guilt. A chance to justify this selfish need to gratify the itching feet.

Remorse aggravated the pinch in my heart. It was so sudden it brought tears brimming in my eyes. I stifled a sob. I felt a hand touched my hair gently, sending the tears falling freely. I found myself enveloped in a warm embrace and felt a kiss on my forehead. My husband inquired if I was alright. And in between hiccups I murmured on his chest what’s ailing me. He is always very understanding and tender whenever homesickness hits me. He would be quiet and listening. Squeezing my arms every now and then. Until the storm within me wanes.

With his sleep laden voice he cracked a joke. I laughed heartily, tears all spent, heart unburdened. I snuggled close. Comforted in his arms. Sleepiness overtaking me.

” Honey, call them first thing in the morning.” I heard him whispered in my ears as I was just entering the gates of dreams.

©JMKhapra

11 thoughts on “Heart Away From Home

  1. The feeling of guilt that gradually overtakes when we grow old- at the fact that we don’t and often can’t spare enough time for people who have and who will always continue to be important to us is so sincerely captured Jofelyn. I could relate to it quite a lot. And you quite bring the momentariness of this guilt sentiment alive in this frank, little post. I found it immensely meaningful and a deeply felt one!

    1. Thank you. I don’t know how they manage to love us and learn to let us go at the same time. It’s something I will have to learn too. It pains me just thinking about it. I can only imagine what they must be feeling right now.

  2. I also felt homesick when I entered college and needed to stay in a dormitory. However, your article gave an extra pinch in my heart because of the element of aging. I can’t imagine being far from my mother and grandmother when their old. I want to be with them and take care of them. I hope you could find a way so you can’t miss your parents so much…

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